


Infinity in Pieces

by therealmnemo



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anders POV, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Giveaway fic, M/M, Multi, Soulmate AU, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, eventual FenHanders, mermaid au, mermanders, small angst i promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-19
Updated: 2016-08-13
Packaged: 2018-06-03 04:41:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6597097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/therealmnemo/pseuds/therealmnemo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Short story of Anders, a Mer that eagerly awaits for his soul mark to appear and deals with the fallout when his mark is different.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sixteen Going on Seventeen

**Author's Note:**

  * For [WizardlyMagicks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WizardlyMagicks/gifts).



> This is my gift to fenrisofseheron for my 333 follower giveaway! I'll hopefully have the following ~~two~~  four chapters finished soon. (it just kept GROWING)
> 
> I hope you like it :D
> 
> (I'm so terrible at summaries -_-)
> 
>  
> 
> Also, title is from Sound of Music :P 

Anders stretched out on the sand with his tail floating in the surf. He intended to enjoy the beautiful summer day as he waited for his friend Leto to join him. Instead, he huffed with frustration as he pulled his wrists across the sand. While he had been excited that morning his scales were finally coming in on his arms, the itch they caused was near unbearable.

When the sand was not enough, he employed the claws of his fingers; he alternated hands and dug into the light green scales around his wrists. He winced as he accidentally pulled up the edge of a particularly itchy scale and pulled his wrist to his mouth to stop the small droplets of blood that escaped.

“Didn’t your mother tell you not to scratch?”

Anders tilted his head back in the sand to watch Leto as the elf’s green eyes looked closer at his arm. When he leaned over, his wispy black hair fluttered in the ocean breeze and Anders couldn’t help but lift up slightly to give the elf’s chin a small kiss. Leto’s skin flushed from his neck to the tips of his ears. Anders grinned and offered a wrist for the elf to examine.

“My mother isn’t here, and these things hurt worse than a jellyfish sting.” Anders squeaked when Fenris pushed one of the scales down.

“You didn’t have these last week, are they new?”

“They are! These mean I’m finally an adult! Or, well, according the the pod elders… when they’re finished at least.”

Leto chuckled as he laid down beside Anders in the sand and pointed to a spot on the wrist he held.

“Why aren’t these scales green like the rest?”

Anders pulled his left wrist back to confirm the colors before giving Leto an answer. A small patch of scales under his wrist shimmered in translucence, his skin still visible underneath. He propped himself on his elbow as he turned to the elf, his forearm on the sand between them.

“They’re not finished, that’s where our soul markings appear.” When Anders noticed the look of confusion on Leto’s face, he elaborated. “This is what I’m waiting for, all Mer have them. When the scales on our arms come in, our soul markings appear in the scales. I’ll have one half, and when I find my soulmate, the other side will finish. Hence the whole ‘Anders, you’re a big Mer now! You need to stop hanging around the surface all the time!’ that I’ve been getting.”

Anders huffed and started scratching at the scales again.

“Does that mean… your soulmate is another Mer?”

Anders stopped digging at his wrist to meet Leto’s eyes. He watched as tips of his ears drooped slightly and one hand wrapped around his chest to rub at his other shoulder.

_Oh._

Anders never really thought about it before. He and Leto met along the coast months ago and spent time together on the beach every week. In that time they talked about their families and their lives. They spent hours laying in the surf questioning and exploring each other’s differences. Their first kiss brought a blush to Ander’s pale skin and deepened when he remembered more.  

He was so excited about the pod’s elders finally taking him seriously that what the mark truly meant escaped his attention entirely.

“I honestly don’t know, I’ve heard stories of Mer leaving their pods to live on land, but I’ve never actually seen it.”

“How long will it be before your mark finishes?”

“A few days? I’ve seen some finish right after the itching starts.” His scales started itching again just to prove his point.

Anders slapped his tail against the water in frustration of not knowing how to ease the pained look on Leto’s face.

“Come swim with me, Leto. The water will keep me from scratching my scales off.”

He rolled onto his back and reached out for Leto to pick him up off the sand. It saved him from an awkward scoot down the sand and gave him an excuse to hold the elf close. Leto lifted him with an exaggerated grunt as Anders wrapped his arms around the elf’s shoulders as he walked into the surf.

* * *

It took almost a week for the itching to stop. Every morning Anders checked his wrist to see if the scales on his wrist had darkened. When they did, it left him confused. Soul marks were abstract in nature, but they always looked like half of something else; one side of a mirror image. Anders’ mark didn’t look like that at all.

The mark was a deep red, the color of blood, and it looked complete already. Two connected red circles stretched thin, one tip barely touching the edge of his palm. There were still translucent patches on either side of the mark, but that didn’t make sense.

Not wanting to wake his parents, he quickly escaped his family’s cave to head to the grotto. He needed answers and his best bet was to ask Irving, the elder he looked up to the most.  

Anders was so wrapped up in his thoughts that when he reached the grotto, he barely heard his name called. A sharp tug to his dorsal stopped him long enough for Karl to grab his attention. Even though Karl was his best friend, he couldn’t think of anyone he’d rather see less at that moment.

_Who in their right mind complains to someone about their soul mark being ‘weird’ when their soulmate recently died in a shark attack?_

_Me, apparently._

“Karl! Sorry, I’m just.. I need to see Irving. I think there’s something wrong with my soul mark.”

As soon as the words ‘soul mark’ flew out of his mouth, a tight smile appeared on Karl’s face.

“Ah, well, don’t let me keep you. I’ll be in the kelp gardens if you need me after.”

Once Karl disappeared over the reef, Anders continued up into the grotto. Every trip to the cavernous circular cave left him momentarily stunned. Natural vents let the light from the surface illuminate the area. He quickly located Irving among the students treading above him.

Anders locked eyes with Irving as he approached. The elder Mer cleared his throat to direct his charges upwards to elder Wynne and motioned Anders to join him near the floor. Once they settled on a stone outcropping, Anders panicked about his mark and started with another question he wanted to ask instead.

“I’m sorry to bother you, but I just had to ask a question about my mark. There were stories and I was wondering…”

“Stories, hmm? If you’re hearing stories, then you’re asking about humans aren’t you?”

“Well, not humans exactly. More like… elves, or any land dwellers for that matter. Is it possible for one of them to complete a soul marking?”

Irving ran a hand through his hair and sighed. Anders felt the sudden urge to hide in a cave far, far away.

“I really thought you’d outgrow this fascination with land dwellers, Anders. You are correct though, much further back in time we all came from the same ancestors. Only the Mer still carry the markings, but it has happened. Is this about your mark? Did your scales finish?”

“Well, _yeees_?” Anders stretched out the word to try to gauge the elder’s response. “It finished this morning, but I’m afraid there’s something wrong.”

Anders offered his left wrist to Irving for inspection. Irving’s brows lifted in surprise as he looked over the crimson mark.

“I’ve not seen this in my lifetime, but it could mean one of two things. It could be that both of your souls were born into the same body; or, your soul was split in three before returning to this world.”

Anders traced around the loops as the words sunk in, nausea gripped his body.

“So, I’m either destined to be alone… or there’s two people out there for me? I can’t deal with this, this is a mistake!”

Irving reached out to hold Anders by his arms in an attempt to ground him.

“Anders, you can’t get worked up over this. Some of us don’t even find our soul mates, their markings never complete. Some find our mates and life pulls us apart. This can’t dictate your happiness.”

“Everyone here has their markings complete, Irving. _Everyone_. I’m going to be pushed aside… oh look! Poor Anders! Forever alone!” Anders voice began to carry throughout the grotto. “Oh, did you hear? Poor sap has a piece of himself missing, he has to find two different souls in ALL OF THEDAS.”

Anders wrestled loose of Irving’s hold and dashed away. He ignored the pleas of Irving, the looks of the students, he purposely avoided the kelp gardens.

He swam straight for the surface, for their beach. He had to know.

* * *

Anders pulled himself onto the shore to wait for Leto. Now that he was above water, the pressure that built up behind his eyes rained down his face. He traced the mark again and stopped to press on the two empty spaces. He refused to believe he was alone in this world, but there were two missing pieces staring him in the face.  Leto had to be one of them, Anders needed him to be.

_If he’s not, he’ll leave. Once he finds out I’m not his, he’ll find someone else._

_And then it’ll still be two empty spaces to fill._

The skies turned red as the sun touched the horizon, and Leto still hadn’t shown up. They met here every week, every afternoon. The sickness in his stomach returned. He cursed his tail, his inability to walk on land to find his friend.

When the moon took to the sky, Anders curled up in the sand with his arms around his tail and dreamed of eyes the color of sea grass, unaware he would never see Leto again.

 


	2. Are You Here, Are You Now, Is This It?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anders mark comes with some new abilities and decides he doesn't have to be alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not entirely happy with this chapter, but it looks much better than it did earlier today. This chapter and the next weren't in my original draft, but since it's Anders POV through this story... I just needed to have this in here too.

The day after Anders’ soul mark completed was bittersweet. When he opened his eyes on the beach his body ached as strongly as his heart. He rolled on his back and the sand scraped the sunburn that fully encompassed his exposed pale skin. Low tide left him beached a considerable distance away from the water. He had no tears left to spare as he pulled himself to a sitting position and gingerly touched his right hand to the forearm under his crimson marked wrist.

The moment the sharp pain shot through his body, the mark on his wrist pulsed with a blue glow and the hand touching his skin emanated a similar light. Angry, red burns cleared to reveal the pale, freckled flesh underneath. The blue glow faded when the pain disappeared completely.

Anders’ heart raced. Very few mer were blessed with any kind of magical gift and almost all of them manifested by their tenth year. His mind clouded once more with confusion, and with one last longing look along the shore, he crawled back to the ocean.

* * *

Irving cleared the grotto to give Anders and his mother a private audience with the Elder and Wynne. Anders’ eyes pleaded with Irving to excuse his mother. She had caught him swimming back to the pod and fussed over him all the way to the grotto for not coming home the night before. Irving only gave a small imperceptible shake of his head and reached out for Anders’ arm.

“What happened, Anders?”

Anders’ tried to stay calm but his fins twitched under the scrutiny from the elders and his mother.

“I.. I fell asleep on the beach, and when I woke up I was burned. When I touched my skin, it, the mark… it glowed. It made my hands glow and the burn went away.”

Wynne reached forward and placed her hand on his forehead. He could feel the the pulse of her magic. He realized she was looking for any kind of sun damage, they doubted him. He shoved her hand away.

“I am _telling_ you what happened. I’m _fine_ . I came here to find out _why._ ”

He watched, frustrated, as Irving and Wynne nodded to each other.  When Wynne pulled at his mother’s arm to lead her away both relief and fear battled for dominance in his mind.

Irving pulled Anders’ hands and attention back. “I have an idea, but I’d like to test something first. Can you pull the magic on your own?”

Anders stared hard at where his hands lay flat over Irving’s. He wasn’t sure where to pull the magic from. The mark simply pulled on its own and stopped when it was no longer needed. He thought about the glow, the way it made him feel.

Nothing.

The pressure behind his eyes returned. Maybe it was the combination of the sun and his own distress that caused a hallucination on the beach.

“I can’t.”

Irving’s hands gripped his own. “It’s alright. I have one more thing to try.”

The elder retrieved a knife from a gathering pack secured around his waist. Anders watched as he pulled the knife’s blade along his palm, superficially splitting the skin.

“Try again.”

Anders reached out to place a hand over the open palm. The mark at his wrist flickered blue once more. Relief flooded his system until he realized the cut on Irving’s hand didn’t close. Another emotion crept into his mind, another voice that seemed personally offended by the self-inflicted wound. He found himself convinced that he wouldn’t heal this cut, that Irving deserved the pain.

“I.. I can’t. The wound isn’t… it’s not… necessary.” He struggled giving a voice to the intrusive thoughts.

He watched as Irving’s face moved briefly through surprise and into a mask of understanding.

“Anders, remember what we spoke about yesterday?” Irving carefully asked.

“My mark, that it could be… _no._ ” Anders clutched his arms to his chest and propelled out of Irving’s reach.

Irving didn’t even attempt to reach for him again. “I’m sorry, Anders.”

* * *

Every week Anders waited on the shore for hours until the mark on his wrist pulsed its blue light.

Every week he pushed his family and friends a little further away.

Every week it hurt less.

This went on for several months, until the day came in the kelp gardens when he felt the longing for Leto in his heart and the mark lit up. When he stopped to ponder what it meant, a firm hand caught his own.

_Karl._

Anders had been so lost in his own despair, he had unknowingly pushed away his closest friend. He found himself humbled that Karl still found it within his heart to be there for him. He used Karl’s hand as an anchor to pull himself around and fully embrace his friend, pressing their foreheads together, he chuckled softly. 

“I’m a mess, Karl.” Anders whispered. “I’m so sorry I pushed you away.”

Karl guided Anders head so that it rested on his shoulder and gently ran his fingers through Anders’ long golden hair.

“I know what it’s like to feel alone, Anders, and I’ll do anything to keep you from feeling that too.”

Anders relaxed into Karl’s embrace, his mark crimson once more.

* * *

_“You know, you could leave, travel…”_

_The hand that rested on his chest moved to his wrist in the dark._

_“I see the way you look to the open sea, Anders. There’s nothing keeping you here.”_

Anders pushed the thought from his mind. He and Karl fell into the routines followed by other couples in the pod. They both spent their days in the grotto with the elders, helping them teach. In the evenings they retired to the cave Karl once shared with Niall.

Each year passed punctuated by new marks, new unions. Anders tried his best to celebrate these occasions, but eventually the pity in their faces became too much. He didn’t know how Karl could stand it. He grew frustrated being thought of as a couple of broken men pushed together from loneliness.

It didn’t help that it started that way, but it became so much more.

Today was different. Two students in Wynne’s class squealed with delight over what he knew was a match. A dark haired mer named Jowan clasped hands with a red-haired mer, Lily. The excitement took over the room, a flurry of arms and tails. What caught Anders’ eyes were the marks themselves.

They were green.

As if the Maker was out to make it a fair game, every few years the markings changed colors. It was just another fail-safe built in so that mer didn’t wait for fifteen or so odd years before a match came into the world.

Anders fled the grotto, straight into the cave where Karl waited for him to return from teaching. He pulled Karl close and kissed him, trailed more kisses down his neck, and pulled his wrist to his lips to place one last tender kiss to the mark that had turned black when Niall turned to seafoam.

“There’s nothing keeping _us_ here anymore.”

He waited patiently for the understanding to fill Karl’s eyes.

They spent the next hour collecting tools, supplies, and keepsakes. Every item placed in their gathering pouches fueled the growing smiles on their faces. Each time they crossed paths close enough to touch, they wrapped their tails and kissed.

While everyone in the pod celebrated the newest union, Anders and Karl chased their future to the east.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is from the song "Upside Down & Inside Out" by OK GO. 
> 
> This chapter is also un-beta'd. If you see anything weird, let me know!


	3. For Whatever We Lose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short Interlude. Anders reflects on his time with Karl, and how it ended.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For whatever we lose (like a you or a me), It’s always our self we find in the sea. -- e.e. Cummings

In later years when asked about Karl, Anders would sigh and a small smile would appear on his face that didn’t quite reach his eyes. If pressed, he would talk about the years of travel and meeting many wonderful people. He only ever told them about Karl once, and they never asked again. 

\--

We went east. We didn’t take much with us… gathering pouches and hunting knives at our waists

I remember the look on Karl’s face when we couldn’t see the grotto anymore. I was there when he clasped hands with Niall for the first time, you see, and I swear he was making the same _exact_ face. Peaceful. Happy. Free. Loved. 

I thought I felt that way at the time. I thought I had finally accepted the fact that my second soul was indeed inside me. Everything about Karl felt like home. He didn’t feel like a consolation prize, he was my partner… two outcasts finding their place in the oceans on their own terms. 

Oh Maker, we were so naive. 

The first few years were amazing. We swam until we came upon another pod, stayed a few days or sometimes weeks, and then moved on again. Sometimes I’d catch a flash of red on a wrist. 

The further we traveled, the easier it became to ignore it. 

We avoided going ashore unless it was absolutely necessary that first year, but I missed sky, the stars. Karl knew why, but was kind enough to leave it be. I truly didn’t deserve him.

Amaranthine was the first place we came to the surface. We were waiting for the sun to set around the ships of the harbor when a stout dwarf fell into the sea. Have you ever seen a drunken dwarf try to swim? Karl smacked me to stop laughing so we could help the poor thing. 

Turned out the dwarf had quite the colorful vocabulary as we pulled him to the shore. There were… two elves. Yes, one human and two elves. Apparently they were something called Wardens? We didn’t get to talk with them long. The human and the one elf had the look of someone that had something incredibly smelly under their nose as they dragged the dwarf back to their keep. 

The other elf, Neria, she was a sweetheart. I think she was mostly shocked that we existed at all. She warned us to watch out for slavers along the northern coasts. Apparently they were picking up anything that could talk and wasn’t human, elves mostly, and selling them to the nobles in Tevinter. We thanked her for her warnings, she thank us for saving her ‘idiot friend’... something with an ‘O’... Ollie? Oggie? Ohgren! That was really going to bother me. 

We really… there wasn’t much else that wasn’t incredibly just your normal everyday life, but it was ours. The one thing Karl really looked forward to was the yearly Summerday celebration off the coast of Kirkwall.  Boats everywhere on the bay, people swimming and drinking, and the fireworks! Maker, I’d never seen anything so beautiful in my life! Karl and I had our own little watch spot hidden away. Every time they exploded in the sky he’d squeeze my hand and his face would just light up and… and he’d smile at me…and then we’d forget about the sparks in the sky for the night. 

Something… something didn’t _feel_ right that last year. We weren’t far off from Kirkwall, but there weren’t many boats out yet. I assured Karl that everything was fine, that we must have been early. I should have… I don’t know what I should have done. He had that look on his face and all I wanted to do was see it light up again. Karl had been a hunter, he knew the signs, but he didn’t want to worry me. 

He always just wanted me to be happy. 

Oh Maker… there was… someone had fallen off of their boat. We watched the man struggle and Karl was the first to make it to him. I watched Karl pull him up to the surface. Legs disappeared and then, then Karl was pulled out, his tail just flew up out of the water.  I didn’t know what to do! If I tried to go after him, what if they were those slavers that Neria told us about?

I didn’t have long to think before a cage dropped into the water. Karl was inside and his skin was pale and his eyes, Maker, his eyes looked right through me. I pulled our knife from my pack and tried to jam it into the lock on the side, but the boat started moving. I held on, I tried so hard to hold on. 

He grabbed my hands, he… he kissed me. Told me that he loved me, to not let this color how I saw the world. Told me… told me that there was still so much left for me to find. He grabbed my wrist and kissed my soul mark and I couldn’t say anything. 

I didn’t say anything.

The jolt of the lightning spell he pushed through the bars barely registered as I let go. I swam as hard as I could to keep up. Another man fell out of the boat, an accident this time as the boat kept going. I reached for my knife and realized that it had been in my hand... the one that Karl had kissed.  Behind the drowning man I could see the dark red cloud trailing in the distance. 

I couldn’t think, all I could see was this fucking slaver swimming back to the surface. I grabbed him by the feet and pulled. Down and down. That’s when I felt it again. The blue light of my mark. It wouldn’t let me have my revenge, this wasn’t justice, so I… I just let him go. I don’t know if he ever made it to the surface, I just kept swimming. Swimming until I couldn’t feel anything anymore. I avoided the shores, the pods, everyone. I didn’t speak to anyone for so long. 

My biggest regret? That I didn’t tell him I loved him, that I didn’t tell him goodbye. 

He only ever wanted to see me happy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry :( 
> 
> Now you know why it took me so long to get this chapter out because Karl feels. It gets better from here, I promise.


	4. I've Got Two Hands, One Beating Heart, And I'll Be Alright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After years alone, Anders takes a chance on a land-dweller once more. She is everything he wants, and sadly, everything he can't have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from "Girls Chase Boys" by Ingrid Michaelson.

Years passed, but every year Anders found himself in Kirkwall’s waters at Summerday, 

Since he lost Karl, the waters filled with boatloads of celebrants once more, increasing over time. He found the stone they would watch the fireworks from and observe the festivities. Without a distraction, albeit a lovely distraction he’d give anything to have by his side again, he was able to learn more about the land-dwellers of the area. 

Anders learned that Summerday was basically a joining ritual for the land-dwellers, or part of it at least. Several of the boats close to him held gendered parties celebrating their ‘last night on the market’, or at least according to a very loud drunken woman off to his left. 

His hand drifted to his wrist as he watched them drink and dance until the sun set. The revelers burst into shouting and posturing as the fireworks lit up the sky. 

A loud shriek pulled his attention from the display. He heard the splash of someone falling into the water to his right. He found the boat they came from immediately, two women were yelling over the side, but he couldn’t see anyone treading water. 

Anders panicked. He pushed back the urge to help, Karl still too fresh in his mind even though time had moved on. His soul mark pulsed, the blue light radiating like a beacon. The voice inside him rattled thoughts—it would be unjust to let the inebriated Summerday celebrant drown. 

He pushed off the rock and plunged into the bay towards the boat, letting the light of his mark guide his sight through the dark water. It didn’t take long until he found his target, a woman, thrashing violently in the water, her hair twisted around her face and neck. 

Anders swam quickly to her side. With his hand he untangled the long black hair from her face and grabbed her around the waist. For a fleeting moment, he caught her eyes—the color of sea grass and full of fear—before he pushed to the surface for the air she desperately needed. 

When they surfaced, he felt the woman cough and gasp for her breath against his neck, her arms flung over his shoulders and shook with each wretched hack. Anders tread water as he realigned with the boat. As he got closer, the two women watching over the deck came into view. 

“HAWKE!”

“Look, someone’s got her! Thank the Creators!”

“Fuck. Kitten, grab the rope ladder for me.” 

Anders watched a rope ladder descend into the water. He pulled the woman’s legs around his waist, squeezed them to hopefully indicate to hold tight, and started pulling up the rungs as well as he could with someone clutching his body, not to mention a tail. When he reached the top of the ladder he felt someone pulling the woman from his body. ‘Hawke’ seemed to have other plans. Her feet were fully planted on the deck and her once limp arms were now wrapped around his neck.  Anders’ found himself staring into those green eyes once more. He hadn’t seen eyes that green in years. 

“Hawke, let the nice man go.”

“Oh, don’t be a stick in the mud. Just because you’re getting married doesn’t mean she can’t have a little fun tonight.”

Anders ignored the other passengers. His voice faltered over the years of misuse as he asked, “Are you okay?”

A wide, toothy grin bloomed on her face. “I’m better now, thanks to you handsome.”

Without any discernable reason other than just the sheer magnetic appeal he felt, Anders leaned in and kissed her. Her fingers wrapped in his hair, her lips were still wet and salty from her dip. The pulse in his wrist quickened as his heart raced. 

The boat erupted in shouts, wolf-whistles, and a few lewd remarks. He pulled back to finally look at the others on the boat. There were four women crowded around Hawke, and a stout man sitting at the wheel of the boat. One of the women, dark skinned and scantily clad, leaned in and tried to start pulling him aboard. Hawke released her hold and gripped his arm to help in the task. 

His tail hit the deck with a resounding thud. The party went silent, the sounds of celebration in the distance a muted cacophony as he hung suspended by his arms. 

A low whistle from the man at the wheel snapped them all out of the collective shock. 

“These things always happen to you, don’t they Hawke? I take back every complaint I had about being your designated driver, you can’t make this shit up.”

The lone elf on the boat bounced on her toes and clapped her hands before addressing the redhead with a gaudy tiara on her head, “Oh Aveline, a merman! That’s a lucky sign! Your marriage must be favored by the creators!”

Aveline huffed in response, “Can you put the poor thing--man, um, merman down?”

“Izzy, help me prop him up on the seat.” 

Hawke and Izzy pulled him over to the bench seat along the back of the boat. They propped him against the edge and let his tail take up the whole thing. 

Hawke swatted Izzy’s hands away from his tail. The woman pouted. “What? I’m curious! I’ve always wanted to know where they keep their fun parts… this is a bachelorette party after all.”

Anders watched the woman’s lips curl into a smirk and Hawke shake her head. He focused on Hawke once more. The dark hair, the eyes. He briefly imagined her ears long and pointed as an elf’s. He reached out to grasp her hand tightly and, for the first time in years, looked to the soul mark on his wrist. The blue light had faded into crimson once more, but the empty spaces remained.  He didn’t let the small flutter of disappointment deter him as he pulled her in for another kiss. Whatever this feeling was, he hadn’t felt it since Leto, and he wouldn’t squander this serendipity. 

He barely registered Izzie’s voice over Hawke’s shoulder, “Beth, kitten, I think you’re going to need some towels for Varric’s car. I think your sister intends to bring this catch home.”

* * *

It was entirely too easy how Anders fell into his life with Marian Hawke, into the world the land-dwellers lived in. The party had packed him into the car that night and whisked him away to Marian’s home along the beach of the wounded coast. She had a ‘floating room’ anchored to the dock behind her home where she and Anders stayed up into the early morning. Being there with her was strangely familiar and comforting, mimicked the hours he would spend just laying on the beach with Leto in what seemed another lifetime ago. 

Marian was a lawyer who worked for her father’s practice. They specialized in cases that tried to strike down some of the most inhumane laws and practices in Thedas, most recently taking on the Tevene government trying to extradite a family of slaves that escaped into the Free Marches. 

Other than work, she tried her best to keep up with her family. Her mother constantly set her up on dates to find her a nice guy. She was actually engaged for all of six months to a foreign dignitary until she took a fertility test to fulfill a prenuptial agreement. Anders held her hand and carded his other through her hair as she told him the details. She stressed that it worked out in the end.  The man, Sebastian, had ended up marrying her younger sister Bethany. Marian never wanted children anyway. 

The first few months flew by. While Hawke was away, Anders busied himself with exploring the coastline. Marian had brought out a few books and a small box she opened and called a laptop. He was very sternly warned to not let it nor the ‘cord’ she attached to it drop into the water. She pulled up videos for him at night to learn about the world, ones that taught him how to read while she was away. He took a special interest in how people on land healed one another.  Once a week her friends came over to play cards and tried to teach him how to play. At night, Marian would spend her free time clinging to him on the submerged bench in the room. The intimacy was intoxicating. Far different from the fumbling exploration of his youth with Leto, and more different still than what he shared with Karl. 

When another six months had passed, Anders felt Marian start to drift. Every night he started to dread when she had to leave the room and go back to her home to sleep. He started to feel the distance created by the fact he could never her join her in her life.  She broke down one night, over her mother insisting that she stop moping around at home all the time, the fact that it’s not fair to him to tease him with a life he can’t be a part of. Begrudgingly, she admitted to agreeing on going on more dates to appease her mother and friends. Even though it broke his heart, Anders knew that it was best. He couldn’t give her everything she wanted, everything she needed, but he could still be there to support her. 

Date nights were entertaining. Marian would come home, stumbling out onto the dock. Her long black hair half fallen from her hair tie, more than a little tipsy. She would collapse into Anders’ arms and he’d wrap his tail around her legs. She’d regale him with how terrible the date went, mock their mannerisms, and Anders would smile and laugh and hold her tight. 

Then a night came when she returned home still mildly put-together. It was a second date. She grinned shyly as she explained that the man was actually a former client. They had attempted dating a while back, but it just wasn’t the right time for him. Anders listened as she spoke of the well-spoken, stoic man that helped his mother and sister escape to save their lives. He kissed her, held her, told her that he wanted what was best for her. He selfishly hoped this brave man made a fool of himself. 

The second date became a third date, and a fourth. Marian spent more time away from the house, less time with Anders. He threw himself into learning more about the artificial water homes… aquariums they were called. Maybe he could find a way to work with one of the aquariums, keep their animals healthy. He may not have legs, but he had no desire to go back to the sea now, and it was beginning to look like his time with Marian was coming to an end. 

Finally, as he expected, she sat on the submerged bench, legs crossed and looking for all the world like she was there to break his heart. She couldn’t meet his eyes, and her fingers worried one another. 

“I think I love him.”

“I know you do.”

“You know you can stay here right? This is your home. Or if you can’t, I’m sure Varric can find somewhere you ca—”

Anders stopped her with a soft kiss to her lips and then another to her hands he grasped to still.

“I’ll be fine. Would you let me meet him? I just want to make sure he’ll be good to you.”

She nodded and wrapped her arms around him, crying into his shoulder. He felt his mark pulse as he gently rubbed her back, and mentally prepared himself to move on once more. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a long one, one more chapter to go. Will our poor baby find happiness that lasts?


	5. You Can Keep My Things, They've Come to Take Me Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anders meets Fenris, and nothing goes as planned, or does it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from 'Solsbury Hill' by Peter Gabriel.

Anders rolled off the dock and back into the floating room. He barely slept overnight. Marian was bringing her date home after work and he couldn’t focus on anything. It took everything he had not to just slip away in the night, make it easier on everyone involved, but he wanted to make sure she was happy before he left.

He thought about swimming to find a mess of large shells for Marian to give her friend Merrill. The last video he pulled up on the small laptop lingered on a screen asking him if he was still there. Nervous energy finally drove him to picking over every last green scale on his tail for any loose or damaged ones to remove. Hawke’s mother's words echoed through his mind _He’s just a fish, Marian._

Anders’ head snapped up as the sliding door of Marian's home slammed shut. She stood, hand in hand, whispering into the ear of the man by her side. Anders tried to assess him from a distance. He was as tall as Marian, his shaggy white ( _white?_ ) hair parted by elven ears. White lines travelled down from under his t-shirt to his hands, similar ones trailed down his legs from the hem of his swimming trunks.

He tried to plaster his most charming smile on his face as they stepped out onto the dock.

Now that they were closer, he noticed that the markings trailed up his neck as well and over a chin that looked entirely too familiar. One that he had peppered in kisses many times, ages ago.

He felt his wrist start pulsing in time with his racing heartbeat. One final appraisal of the elf revealed an adult that Leto could have theoretically grown into. _Maker, is that why he never came back to the beach? Was he taken?_

“Anders!”

The elf pulled his gaze from Marian and locked eyes with Anders.

Those eyes. Those sea-grass green eyes. _No_.

Anders couldn't breathe.

Mild concern flashed across Marian’s face as she introduced them.

“Well, Anders, this is Fenris. Fenris, this is my friend Anders.”

He tried to remember how to speak. “ _Fenris_?”

Fenris moved closer to the seating area to extend his unoccupied hand to Anders, “It is a pleasure to meet you, Marian talks about you all the-”

Anders watched the elf’s eyes flick to his tail briefly and back to him once more.   _She didn’t tell him that part._

Fueled by desperation, Anders tried to grasp the offered hand only for Fenris to drop it to his side where it balled into a fist. _He doesn’t remember me._

“Is this some sick joke?”

Fenris turned to Marian, Anders all but forgotten as his body tensed.

“You put on a show helping free us from Tevinter, only to keep pets of your own?”

He watched as Marian’s jaw dropped in shock, clearly realizing her error in not revealing Anders’ nature sooner. Neria’s words echoed in his mind, _Anything not human_. He knew she was trying to find the words to explain the situation. Words that didn’t make it sound like she brought him here and treated him as such. Her lips moved, but nothing came out; she failed.

Fenris made a noise of disgust as he pulled his hand from Marian’s.

Anders tried to process what happened as Fenris stormed off the deck and started to walk up the coast. He pulled himself up on the dock and tried to reach for Marian. If he could just hold her, calm things down and talk through this, everything would be fine.

Tears fell from her eyes as she turned and walked away from Anders.

Anders beat a fist against the dock as the sliding door slammed shut, pressed his face to the dock as he watched the footsteps left in the sand. Both of them walked away where Anders could not follow.

* * *

Hours passed, the sun settled, and Anders could feel how dried out his scales were but didn’t move. He replayed the afternoon in his head again and again.

Fenris was Leto, there was no doubt in his mind. The fact that he didn’t remember Anders hurt more than anything.

Marian wanted to hate him, he could feel that too. If he hadn’t saved her, she would never have been given that second chance with Fenris; but keeping him there had ruined everything. He should have just left, it would have made everything easier.

How cruel was it that two people he loved dearly found each other and he was now the reason it had gone to shit?

Anders curled up on his side and pulled his tail up to hold it in his arms, wincing at the stiff scales. He noticed a light in the distance coming towards him down the coastline. As it neared, he could see the outline of the person carrying it. Fenris.

He watched as Fenris stepped onto the dock. The elf crouched down beside him and gently pulled Anders’ left arm off his tail, his thumb tracing the crimson circles.

“I never thought I would see this complete.”

Anders eyes widened in shock and before he could reply the elf’s arms were underneath him. The warm ocean water enveloped his body as Fenris stepped down into the floating room.

He felt his voice crack, “What happened?”

One of Fenris’ hands stroked his wrist while recounting his story. Slavers had captured his family the night after they last saw one another. Anders sensed the elf glossed over the worst of his enslavement, but the worst of it left not only the markings on his body, but a serious case of amnesia that hid his life as Leto for many years. Marian had been the first person he met that didn’t show him pity, and the first night they went to bed together his mind began to reveal the memories he lost. He was overjoyed to reconnect once he thought his mind has settled, but this afternoon revealed that he had not recovered everything. In his panic he lashed out, and in his retreat, he remembered everything.

Anders buried his face against the elf’s neck. “I waited for you. Every week, I waited for you.”

“I knew. I felt it. There was no way to tell you…”

Anders reached for Fenris’ hand and grasped it tight and looked hopefully at his mark, but it remained unchanged. With an unsteady voice, he finally told Fenris the story he had meant to on the beach so many years ago.

He wiped the tears from his eyes, his decision finally clear as day.

“I’ve made peace with this Leto, _Fenris_ ,” he sighed,”and I know Marian loves you, and you love her as well.” He gestured to the tail Fenris still held. “I’m never going to be able to be with either of you. It’s not fair, but it’s reality. Go to her, Fenris. Apologize and find happiness.”

Anders tilted his head and placed a kiss between the two white lines on Fenris’ chin and gently pushed himself off the elf. Fenris nodded at him, tears shining in his eyes, and made his way up to Hawke’s home.

He watched as the window to Hawke’s room lit up in the night. He waited until the light went out once more, and when Fenris didn’t come back outside, he knew it was time. Anders took one last look at the house, the dock, the room he called his home and slid back into the sea.

Right before he reached the end of the shelf that dropped off to the open sea, his wrist flared brightly. When he kept swimming, the marking started to pulse. He stopped in confusion as two strong arms wrapped around his waist and pulled upwards.

When they surfaced he twisted around in confusion under the tight grip and found himself nose-to-nose with Fenris. The elf chuckled as he started kicking back to shore.

“Foolish mer.”

Warmth bloomed in Anders chest as he added the powerful kick of his own tail to reach the shore. When Fenris could reach the bottom, he gathered Anders under shoulders and tail once more. Anders followed his gaze and found Marian knee-deep in the surf, hands covering her mouth. Everything was illuminated by the mark on his wrist shining brightly into the night.

Fenris dropped to his knees beside Marian, who fell forward to wrap her arms around them both.

Overwhelmed, Anders frantically found both of their hands to grasp them tightly. He was wanted, he didn’t care anymore about this damn soul mark-

Two more lights appeared on his wrist on either side of the original mark. Anders barely had time to comprehend when the original mark flared bright white and pain bloomed in his tail. He closed his eyes and clenched his teeth. It felt like it was being split in half. Marian dropped back and Fenris let his tail fall from the arm holding it.

All at once, the pain stopped. He opened his eyes and looked down. Legs. Where his tail should have been, there were two long human legs. Anders looked to his soul mark once more and found the original mark no longer shone, it had turned black. The two new markings, in the shape of what looked like three connected claws, settled into a deep crimson. He reached for Marian and Fenris, finding the crimson claws on their own wrists, faded but there.

Anders felt so full that all he could do was laugh. He laughed as he cried.  He kissed the elf’s chin. He leaned forward to kiss Marian on her tear-stained cheek. This is what it felt like, to be complete.

Fenris and Marian, sharing his laughter, pulled him to his feet ( _his feet!_ ), and helped him walk out of the ocean and toward the house. Marian grabbed a towel from the clothesline as they passed and wrapped it around Anders’ waist as she grinned,“First, we need to get you some clothes!”

The first step inside, Anders truly felt home, for now wherever they went, he could follow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it's OVER! I hope you all liked it, especially FenrisofSeheron since it was for you dear! 
> 
> This was only supposed to be 2k words to begin with, and here we are!

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr!
> 
> main blog: [therealmnemo](http://therealmnemo.tumblr.com/) \- where I reblog practically anything but mostly Dragon Age  
> creative blog: [mnemosyneawrites](http://mnemosyneawrites.tumblr.com/) \- where all my fics, drabbles, drawings, and podfics live and take [prompts](http://mnemosyneawrites.tumblr.com/promptme)  
> anders and fenris blog: [teambluandangry](http://teamblueandangry.tumblr.com/) -Positive Art, Fanfiction, Headcanons, and Character Analysis for Fenris, Anders, and any ship they sail.  
> 


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